Recently, I was posed a question from a friend inquiring whether I would marry again if my wife passed away or left assuming that I was still relatively young (under 35)?
I’m sure in time I would be capable of marrying again, but that healing process and time for me to rediscover myself could take a while. It was the “re-discovery” that raised the eyebrow for them and they were like “don’t you know who you are?” and I laughed and said “Of Course!” but you need to understand how marriage changes you.
Marriage becomes a part of you – it changes the way your plan, think, and act. You spouse is not simply someone that you wake up next too, they become an intrinsic element of who you are by virtue of your thought processes always accounting for them in some capacity. Things, I used to take for granted when I was single become a little more complicated when I got married.
- Working late – because that impacted “our” evening, children, and time spent together.
- Vacations – got to save for two or more people now.
- Financial decisions – I have to ensure that my family is in good order before I risk anything on investments and impulse purchases (ei: still trying to save money for my MAC *smile*).
There are many other elements of life that change, but those are just a few. So, in marriage my persona has changed in some fundamental ways as my wife changes me and our life grows more interdependent. So, if all that were to be unexpectedly removed from my persona, life, and environment, then I would have to rediscover myself and give myself time/freedom to learn who I am now with all those things removed.
As with many things the younger you are the easier it is to adapt to changes in life, and I guess the same could apply to marriage. The younger you are in your marriage prior to something happening the less difficult it maybe in recovering?
The truth is – marrying again isn’t something I think about too often, because the one I’m in keeps me pretty occupied :). But, I can’t speak for everyone, so tell us – would you marry again if your spouse passed or left you?